all the lace and the skin in the shop couldn't get you off

I'm sitting in the spare room waiting for pizza to be delivered. After that I'll be going over to JC's for our first photoshoot of the Photoshoot Extravaganza Weekend. I am quite excited for this because it means I'll be doing makeup, which means I'll get a much better sense of if this is the career for me. I really hope it is because I have my heart set on going to a great school in Toronto after I'm done university. Speaking of university, I move back to Guelph in exactly a week. I am thinking of going up early in the day with mom to do a bit of cleaning, at least in the bathrooms and my room and vacuum the main floor. I still have to move my clothes up. This is terrifying, living on my own. I'll also have to get groceries... oh dear.
Anyway, my New York weekend was quite awesome. Mom and I shopped at the Walden Galleria on Thursday night when we stayed in Buffalo and I bought a new pair of jeans (BDG, hell yes), a new pair of Chucks (turquoise), and a real cute pair of bronze Steve Madden sandals. The next morning we drove to the airport and flew to New York City where we met my brother at the hotel we were staying at in Queens. Queens, let me tell you, is not exactly the nicest place to stay. It's about a 20 minute train ride from Penn Station in Manhattan and is filled with immigrants and failing stores and businesses. It was, however, a great way to get a cheaper hotel instead of staying at the ones right in Manhattan. Anyway, we did a lot of bus sightseeing, saw the September 11th site, the seaport, Central Park, 5th Avenue, the Fashion District, all seven floors of Macy's plus four floors of Bloomingdales, the Body World museum, a Titanic museum, SoHo and Greenwich Village. If I ever moved to New York, I would live in Greenwich Village or SoHo, hands down. The central city was too crowded, too packed with tourists, and too overwhelming for my liking. It seemed like every time I went into a one-stall bathroom, that was my only down-time. That was the only time I was completely away from people and the grandeur of the city. I have no idea how people live right in midtown Manhattan, but I suppose eventually you get used to the hustle and bustle. I would much prefer the Village.
My brother, mom, and I all had a great time nonetheless. We have a lot of good phrases from the weekend, such as "Fuck'em if they can't take a joke", "We've been in this tunnel for a long time...", and "Charlie's Brown teacher". It was nice to be able to laugh with them and be a family. Too bad my dad didn't get to come, but I somehow have a feeling that he might not have enjoyed it as much as we did. The picture I posted above is of my brother, mom, and I in Central Park on a bridge with the city in the background. How cute is that?! It has to be my favourite family photo.
Other than that, Brooke came home! I am so thankful and happy, even if it's just for a little while. I missed her more than she could even fathom. Brooke, Natalie, and I went to Subway and then saw Julie & Julia (which is very adorable and quite funny, I highly recommend it!) on Wednesday. It was just so great to see them and hang out with my old friends. It's nice to know that I have them even if we don't see each other that often.
After the movie, I went to Motown with Riley and some of his friends from school. It was an interesting experience. We both got kind of (really) awesome and danced the night away. And then we walked up to Hess and got a cab back to my place. The next day we went on an awesome walk through the trails and out to the horse farm. It was such a beautiful day and such a pleasant walk.
Anyway, I don't really know what else to say. I cleaned my house today which was a big job. I'm sore and sleepy, but excited for the shoot tonight.
Also, it still hurts, but not as much as it used to.
PS: You pose like a girl. Man the fuck up.

new york city

Englewood, up to no good. ANGLEwood, home of the protractor.

Just a small snippet of a great conversation with my brother.
Wfuckingin. (Figure that one out.)

i'm guessing you are over me, i guess it's bravery

I leave tomorrow for Buffalo, stay over night, then leave for New York City the next day.
It's kind of surreal, I didn't think this would happen any time soon even though I wanted it so, so badly. Unfortunately, I'm spending the rest of my money on this trip and desperately need a job. There's just something about mooching off my parents that I absolutely hate. They've supported me this far, I should be able to figure the rest out myself. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it more than I could express. I've never had to suffer because I didn't have enough money, enough food, enough clothes, enough anything. I've always essentially gotten anything I wanted (which hasn't been nearly as much as I could have gotten), but I want to do this myself now. The second I get a job, no matter how petty the pay is, I'm supporting myself (other than rent and the rest of my tuition because I think my school funds are just about gone after first year). I'll make sacrifices, I'll stop buying, I'll be economical, I'll figure it out. I just don't want to rely on them for everything anymore. Too many children rely on their parents.
Other than that, I don't know. I always have these big, elaborate, elegant, profound thoughts that I want to remember but never seem to be able to. Even when I do, when I go to write it down, it doesn't come out right.
I guess something I've been meaning to talk about is this summer. It's let me down. Maybe I let it down, too. I don't know what else to do with myself. I failed at getting a job, my best friend left, my heart got broken, and some people showed me that they weren't as good and nice as I had thought. I still don't have a job, my best friend still isn't home (til the weekend, when I'll be gone), my heart still hurts far more than it should, and the people still put up the front that they're good and nice.
I just dislike it when people are so fucking see-through. It's like, don't give me that shit, I can see that fucking burger that you had for dinner being digested you're so fucking transparent. I also dislike how I accept these people for more than they really are, for their potential, not what they really are. Then again, I also dislike the way I feel most of the time.
I also REALLY dislike the word "supper". It's dinner. Shut the fuck up.

I'm lonely and kind of angry and kind of upset and I leave tomorrow and I should be excited and in a way I'm too excited to sleep which is why I'm still awake now but it's awful because I feel like crap and one person I thought I could turn to turns out that I really couldn't.
I read too much James Frey.

I'm tasting nothing but four words: "Please don't leave me."

No pants party.
Come join.

And everything stops.

I'm watching the Little Mermaid.

Hi.

at the bottom

Wait, watched you through out your bouquet
Now I think about you everyday
I'm alone now in my bed

And there's a lake and at the bottom you'll find all our friends
They don't swim cause they're all dead
We never are what we intend or invent

Cause I make little lies and then I pull them apart
Think something dark's living down in my heart
And if I wanted to die before I got old
I should have started some years ago digging that hole

Well, I carry this box to the proper place
And when I lower it down, I let you fade away
I hope that you would do this for me
I'd serve you drugs on a silver plate
If I thought it would help you get away
I hope that you would do this for me

A deer that a hunter shot in the heart
Some dogs that got hit by cars
All came to spill their guts
And we spoke about the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
And which songs we had loved the most
And then we all turned to dirt
And dust

Some men die under the mountain just looking for gold
Some die looking for a hand to hold

Well, I carry this box to its proper place
And when I lower it down, I let you fade away
I know that you would do this for me
I'd serve you drugs on a silver plate
If I thought it would help you get away
I hope that you would do this for me

I'm slowly bringing you down from the heavenly gates
Now I'm drowning in the flood I made
Well, explain myself to me on the other side
I'll watch from Heaven when I die

Well, I carry this box to the proper place
And when I lower it down, I let you fade away
I know that you would do this for me
I'd serve you drugs on a silver plate
If I thought it would help you get away
I hope that you would do this for me

---------------

My parents had their anniversary party on Saturday. It went very well and everyone had a great time. JC came to take pictures which was good because then I had someone to hang out with. We did this thing called a "sand ceremony" for my parent's rededication and renewal of vows. My mom, dad, brother, and me all picked a jar of coloured sand and poured it into a heart-shaped jar and it made a beautiful design. It symbolizes that we're four very different people but we come together as a family. Then the minister read tributes that my parents had written each other without the other reading them, so the first time they heard the tributes to one another was during the ceremony. They were both cute, heartfelt, and funny. I think both of my parents got teary-eyed during this which made me smile. It was beautiful. Everyone showed up and seemed to have a good time and my mom was very, very happy. That's all that matters.
Unfortunately, the next day my two-day migraine turned into a full-blown fever/headache/no appetite/achey-all-over flu. It lasted til today but I am feeling much better. I think my fever has finally broken which is great, but I'm eating again and my head doesn't hurt as much and my back feels better.
Riley came over today. It was sweet. He bussed all the way from the east mountain down to Dundas just to have tea with my sick butt. I was touched, really. So we had tea and sat outside for a bit, and he showed me magic tricks, and we had more tea and watched Finding Nemo and then I drove him home so he didn't have to take the bus back. It was a good hangout, just very laid back and chill. I liked it.
On a great great great note, I am going to New York next weekend! I'm so excited. I've been bugging Mom for years and, more adamantly this summer. Since my brother is going down for work, we're staying with him at his hotel so his company can foot the bill (haha). So all we have to pay is our flight and whatever we do down there. I'm so stoked. We're going to see the Guggenheim and the MoMA... or maybe the Met! And I'm going to walk down Fifth Avenue with a coffee and a danish and eat it outside of Tiffany&Co. No joke. I'll seriously do it and get photo evidence of this. I'm just so excited, I can't wait to go!
I think that's all I have to say. Did I mention that I got my ticket to see Brand New in November? I wanted to go to both dates but could not get a ticket for the first night. Go figure, it's a Saturday. That explains it.
By the way, Brand New's new song (lyrics up there ^^) is really good. I can't wait for the album.
I like nice people, a lot.

PS: The Time Traveler's Wife comes out on Friday! :)

time

I went for tea with Anto last night. It was really nice. We had really good talks and he's so down-to-earth. We also listened to a few songs off of his band's new album and it sounds MINT. No kidding. I'm excited for the full album. There's this one song that is absolutely beautiful. Wait til you hear it. You'll smile/cry.
We also had a long talk about people and how you think you know someone but you never really fully do. Good people are capable of the nastiest things and even though that doesn't make them all-around bad people, it changes how we see them; how we love them. It changes everything.
And he told me to forget you. To move on. That it's not easy and it takes a long time but in retrospect if you waste too much time on one person who so clearly doesn't deserve it, that you end up regretting it. He said it in such a way that I believed him. That made me WANT to forget you now. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of not trusting people anymore and not opening up to them because I'm afraid of being fucked over again. I'm tired of wasting my life on you. Like you said, "you are nothing." You're really, truly not. Not anymore.
I'm stronger than this and even if it took another boy to convince me of it, it worked. I'm officially done, whether my heart is done or not. My head is making the decision this time. It's saying, "Go fuck yourself."
Thank you Anto.

You'd call this weather "bittersweet".



I looked over my shoulder, and I swear to God, you were there.

but you've already lost

I went to the drive-in last night with Riley. We stayed for three movies. It was nice. It was the latest I've ever stayed out. I didn't get home until 4:30 in the morning, which was kind of cool. It's amazing how much the world changes in the early hours of the morning. I forgot about that.

I went to Oma's today and it was actually a good visit. I had coffee with her and told her about the weekend and going dancing, and she told me that she and Opa used to go to dances, but Opa didn't dance. Oma loved to go though. I hope the picture I have in my head of her being beautiful and dancing is right. Or close to right. It makes me smile to think of it, to know that she had youth and happiness and above all, love. It's nice to know that she's still the same woman she was when I was younger. It's just buried very deeply behind time.

"I loved what I pretended she was - what I wanted her to be. But now I see her as she really is, and I'm too old to find someone else...I'm not really in love with her any more, but I can't break the habit. It sneaks up on you - the habit. And after all emotion is gone and logic takes over, the habit is still there. For the rest of your life. So don't you start building any habit. He's not wasting a moment thinking about you. Believe me. And you have to stop thinking about him."

weekend world

Earlier in the week: Guelph and saw EILEEN :D (ily), saw Oma (not good..), photoshoot with JC for FailSafe (all very nice boys, yay!) and did some studio shots myself as well. I'm excited to see them! Then...
Friday: a little drunk, went out to Che with Riley (who did not drink and drove instead) and it was delightful. I saw Rebecca Raine and she cut her hair all off and it looks fabulous! It was a good night.
Saturday: painted doors outside for hours and hours, hated the sun for much of it. Went to Riley's, Riley got drunk, I drove. We hit up Frat House and Anto was there! Dancing with Becky France :) (cute girl, jeeeeez). Then went to Che (bad dj and crowd, ugh), then went to Riley's friend's apartment to hang out for a bit. Then drove Riley home and came home and slept. (Kind of upset, got let down again. Lame.)
Sunday: finished painting doors outside, showered, read, napped, grandma and grandpa came over for a visit, now parentals are making dinner. After I am going to the drive in with Riley. I've never been to the drive in and I am excited.
Tomorrow: going to Diane's for Phantom of the Opera, then out for coffee with Anto (providing somewhere with coffee is open due to holidayness).

Also, I am going to Brand New both days in November if I can get tickets. I'm so, so, so excited. I simply cannot wait. It shall be the best $82 I will ever spend. Hoorah.

Also, it doesn't hurt so much anymore, but I still think of you a lot (but not as much as I did)...(but sometimes when I close my eyes, I still see your face).

Also, talked to mom about moving to Paris when I'm done school and she's stoked for me. I am going on an exchange next year hopefully for a semester to Paris to see how I like it. So excited!

Also, I need new clothes as I gave away/threw out many of mine and am going on another clothing purge soon. If you want anything of mine, tell me now.

Also, I miss horseback riding a lot. It feels like a piece of me is missing. Maybe I can scrape together $60 and go for a lesson.

Also, without you I don't sleep, just dream...

this is twice now

I've started this blog over about ten times already and I still don't know how to word what I want to say.
I guess I'll just say it.

1. I miss you, I want you here, I need you here, please come home because a big part of the reason I've been so upset lately is because one of the only people who would actually make time for me isn't here. I miss you. I miss our heart-to-hearts. There's so much I want to tell you, need to tell you, so much that has been going on in my life and I know you're busy too and I want to hear all about it. My heart absolutely breaks when I think about all the time we've spent apart the past year and when I think about having to stand another almost-year of it until you're back here. I just miss you a lot. I understand why you're doing what you're doing, why you are where you are, but I just miss you.

2. I still think I'm in love with you and I still think about you every single day. I swear I try to get angry about it all and I try to forget you. It just never works. And nothing helps. I drove by your street on the weekend on the bus and I was hopeful, then nostalgic, then upset. When I left, I was disappointed. I wanted to see you, even if it would have absolutely destroyed me, just to know that you are okay. A big part of me hoped that we would cross paths at some point and you would talk to me, or smile at me, or even just stare. Just to tell me that you haven't forgotten. I certainly haven't forgotten you.

3. This is the hardest thing I've had to go through. I miss you and how you used to be and I know you can't help it. I know you don't realize it, but it kills me so completely whenever I have to be with you or hear from you. It sounds awful but I hope you go sooner than later, because this is degenerative and it's only going to get worse. My worst fear is that you are going to forget me. Please, please. If you can remember one thing, remember who your family is. Remember that we love you. Remember that we're here for you, we're taking care of you, we won't ever forget the person you are. And please remember the promise you made me when I was little.
"How long will you live for?"
"I'll make you a promise. I promise that I will dance at your wedding."
I'm holding you to that.

4. Help.

Some days I just get so depressed that I can't even function. Some days I can't get out of bed. Some days I can't leave the house. Some days I leave the house when I shouldn't and my mind works on overdrive and I think about shitty things like being hit by a car or getting into an accident or falling into the street or having a light post fall over and kill me. Even worse is when I think about watching other people get hurt. That might be even worse.

I hate thinking sometimes.

Toronto, hangouts, JC, Riley, Toronto, Eleanor, Rebecca/Amanda/Alex.
Guelph on Tuesday.
Embassy on Saturday?

Swim for your family your lovers your sisters and brothers and friends.

ava adore

I have to call my grandma, I have to call the doctor, I have to pay my tuition bill, I have to drink this coffee, I have to do laundry, I have to do the dishes, I have to clean my townhouse, I have to go get groceries, I have to take my oma for groceries, I have to laugh, I slept on a couch last night and I didn't think about you, I have to read this book and it warms and breaks my heart all at the same time, I'm eating a cookie that I made last night with mom, I have to ask you "Why didn't we ever date?" because it seemed so logical to do so, I have to take my medicine, I have to go to my townhouse and live for a little while.
I want to go out drinking, I want to have sex, I want to be angry at you, I want a pair of Christian Louboutin and Marc Jacobs shoes, and maybe a pair of Michael Kors (definitely a pair of Michael Kors), I want you to be here when the movie comes out so we can go see it together, I want to know why we didn't ever date because it seemed so logical to do so, I want a venti non-fat caramel macchiato, I want to lose weight, I want to go to yoga, I want to move, I want to live in Toronto, New York, Paris, Rome, Sydney, Tokyo, I want you to travel with me, I want to travel with you, I want to cry, I want you to stay, I want to go, I want I want I want, I want to be something big (but skinny).

More than anything, I want to stop being in love with someone who is so clearly and obviously terrible for me.

I absolutely can't help it.

I still love you despite everything that's happened.

I don't know how, I don't know why, all I know is that I'm desperately in love with you. And maybe it's because I can't have you, and people always seem to want what they can't have. All I know is that my days are empty without you. My heart doesn't exist without you. I gave it to you and you took it, but when you were done you didn't give it back. You still have it. And a very big part of me hopes that you keep it so that I always know what love feels like, even if it hurts this much.
You're still all I see, you're still all I think about, you're still all I dream about. So what's the point in sleeping? I can't even get away from you in my sleep.
I wish to God that you didn't ever look at me or touch me the way you did. I wish you didn't ask, "What are you thinking?" And I wish that when I asked the same question, you didn't say, "About you, and how much I've actually come to like you." I still hear your voice and see your face in my head. Your eyes are beautiful; they always have been.
I think you're gone because you never had someone say, "If you need anything, I will drop everything." I was willing to. I meant it when I said it. And I think you're afraid, and I think that you think you're bad luck. That everyone you get close to dies or goes away or pulls back. I wouldn't have. I have never been sure about much of anything in my life, but I'm sure about that.
I was sure about you.

And eventually, I know it will stop hurting this much.
Eventually, I'll stop thinking about you every morning when I wake up and every night before I fall to sleep.
One day a long time from now, I know I'll look back and I'll feel nothing and peaceful at the same time.
I know one day this will be okay.
But for the time being, it's not okay.
Not at all.

i see arizona stars from here

But Peter Pan is miles away.

Umm.. I haven't updated in a while.
I went to Toronto with JC on Wednesday. Got a sweet sparkly tube bra and a new mini skirt, and an oversized tank for FIVE DOLLARS at UO. That is the least amount of money I have ever spent in that store. I am amazed/amazing.
We met up with Neil and found Kensington market and I was impressed at all of the vintageness of it. I have never been. It was fantastic and my life ended up being very complete. Minus the fact that I didn't buy anything.
I am hurting for money right now and I don't want to rely on my parents because they're already paying my rent and my school. I need a job. Badly.
Tonight I'm going to see Harry Potter with Diane and Natalie. Except, I don't like Harry Potter at all. I've only seen the first two movies and read the first book (because I had to for school in grade seven). I will be horribly, terribly confused and lost. I'm hoping Diane can clear this movie up for me. I want to go because I haven't seen/hung out with them in so long and I miss their beautiful love.
Tomorrow I am going to Riley's to have dinner, chocolate fondue, and watch Across the Universe. Possibly Hess after, but I don't know. It depends how late it gets.
I need to fucking start sleeping again. I never sleep anymore. I've seen four in the morning so many times these past few weeks it's ridiculous.

I have never felt more alone in my life than when I was in Toronto.

be careful of how you lick your wounds

Done Guelph room mostly.
Dumped lots of garbage in the university's dumpster with Rebecca.
Had good chats.
Love my room, want to move in ASAP.
Cell phone bill was expensive.
Credit card bill was not expensive.
Going shopping in Toronto tomorrow with JC and Neil.
Super stoked, going to spend money and go on a photo adventure.
Mom and Dad are happy about my hanging out with JC.
Need to lose weight, stop eating carbs.
Miss yoga a lot.
Really digging Silversun Pickups lately.
Brother is gone for 10 days to L.A.
Missing traveling immensely.

And yes, still in love with you.

this isn't the first time i've been to this place

The world before me, the wall behind me.
I don't know which side I'm on.
But it's the right one for me.
I'll take my time now.
I'll sing my heart out.
Now I know, the strings that held me down have come undone, I'm on my way.
This isn't the first time I've been to this place.
But it's the last time I'll be afraid of anything.
And so the next time you look at my face, know it's the last time you'll ever get to question me on my broken legs.

---

Bloggy is being really dumb today and not letting me upload photos. Sorry, no photo today.

Finished painting in Guelph House. Moved my desk, my Paris picture, and a dresser up. One more dresser to go, plus my bed and a mattress and possibly a bookshelf.
Still needed: TV, kitchen chairs, garbage cans, cleaning products, kleenex and toilet paper, food, MOAR GLITTER, and a very big cleaning.
If anyone has any ideas of what I still need for this house, please let me know. Us four girls are bound to forget something.

I hung out with Riley last night. It was nice. It's nice to have someone who, even though they're really busy, can make time for me multiple times a week. Thank you. Serenade me again with your guitar one day.

Tonight I am going to see Bruno with JC. I'm stoked! I miss JC a whole lot.

A girl told me she'd go gay for me. I'm flattered. How nice!

And on those endless drives, you're still the only one I think about (and I desperately wish you weren't).

i drag you down i use you up

Saw the Stills last night at Rokbar. That venue is pretty swanky. Not bad. Not something you'd expect on Hess.
Anyway, Hollerado played first and they're pretty sweet. They definitely won me over.
Then I got caffeine. Then the Stills played and they were awesome, as usual. Stills count: numero cinq.
I got home around two and passed out around three.

I am going up to Guelph with mom today to finish painting and move some stuff up. Tomorrow I am bringing the rest of my stuff up and getting my bed and mattress. I'm excited to get my room straightened away and start cleaning up the house. I can't wait to move in. I'm sick of being home.

I wish I had a mad wavy weave.

Also, there is a fly in the kitchen that has been around for five days now. When the hell do these things die? Fuck my life.

"Would you be gentle to me?"
"Of course!"
*BEEP*
"...Sorry."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

mrs. self-destruct

You don't even remotely remind me of him, but somehow he's all I think of when I'm with you.

hey! is that a ninja up there?

Is it bad that I have the strongest urge to pour the rest of my coffee on my cell phone?

Also, I hate it when I wake up in the morning to a sink and countertop full of dishes, and have to empty the dishwasher and then load it again, and it gets to be so full that I can't fit all the dirty dishes in it so I have to run it twice.
I will be emptying this thing a total of three times today, I just know it.

I wish I had a job in Paris.
I haven't eaten anything yet today.
I miss yoga but I'm going tonight I think.
What am I going to do when I move to Guelph?

I wish my life was getting started already. I'm sick of just sitting here in the middle of it and not being able to do anything.

It's cloudy today and I miss you.

i would go out tonight, but i haven't got a stitch to wear

So I had a date yesterday. It was nice. We went vintage/antique shopping and had a picnic and walked around a conservation area. And we drove in a convertible with the top down (and I tanned a bit more! How great is that?!).
I like it because I haven't been talking to this boy online at all. Just texts and phone calls and yesterday, in person. I think I like it better this way, because people online have some strange courage in them, probably because they don't have to actually look the person they're talking to in the face. Talking in person just seems a lot more real to me and I get the whole idea of them.
Unfortunately I just don't see how it will work in the end as he is going to Alberta for the next two years starting in September. It's kind of bittersweet, I guess. Right now, it's just nice. Nice to have someone to do cute silly things with and go out with and just not be alone. But it's just not going to work in the end. If I know anything about myself, it's that I need someone WITH me. Physically. I need the affection. I just don't think I could make something long distance work very well.
I'll just enjoy it right now, I guess. I just have to distance myself.
Truth is, I've never been good at distancing myself.

Also, I think people brag because they're insecure.

i was nineteen, call me

I went up to Guelph house yesterday and painted from 1 pm to 3 am.
And then I woke up at 10:30 and painted til 1:30.
I have blisters, my knee hurts, and I have paint between my toes.
I am not done. I only have the first coat of paint on everything.

It's not as pretty as I wanted it to be... maybe I'll feel differently when my furniture is in it.
Who knows.

I had a lot of time to myself to think, and surprisingly, I didn't think about you all that much.
The one thing I did think of was how you could hardly stand her, and now you're with her all the time.
The other thing I thought of was when you said you used to be in love with her.
You said, "Know how I know?"
"How?", I asked.
"Because of how much it fucking hurt."

And I started thinking about that, and about how much it fucking hurt.
And I realized, if you're right, then I was in love with you, too.

a dance 'round the memory tree

I've held it together so well for the past few years. Even when she was in the hospital, even when she was crying and I had never in my entire life seen her cry, even when she was yelling and getting angry when I had never in my entire life seen her yell or be angry. I've kept it together for her, and you. You know I'm here for you to run to when you get frustrated with her, and upset with her, and angry at what's happening to her.
But I couldn't keep it together tonight, and that's why I couldn't stand by your side while you talked to her on the phone the whole time, trying to convince her that it was dark outside because it is nighttime and not daytime.
I barely made it out of the room before I fell apart. But I promise I only allowed myself a couple of precious minutes before I dried my tears and came back to your side to tell you it was going to be okay.

The thing is, I'm a bad liar, but you believe what I say, because you want to believe it will be okay.
Sometimes things just aren't okay.
And sometimes things don't get to be okay ever again.

This is one of those things, and I think I'm starting to feel it sink in now.

I miss her, and she's not even gone.

christian louboutin

Buy me these, please?
Mine mine mine.