I absolutely can't help it.

I still love you despite everything that's happened.

I don't know how, I don't know why, all I know is that I'm desperately in love with you. And maybe it's because I can't have you, and people always seem to want what they can't have. All I know is that my days are empty without you. My heart doesn't exist without you. I gave it to you and you took it, but when you were done you didn't give it back. You still have it. And a very big part of me hopes that you keep it so that I always know what love feels like, even if it hurts this much.
You're still all I see, you're still all I think about, you're still all I dream about. So what's the point in sleeping? I can't even get away from you in my sleep.
I wish to God that you didn't ever look at me or touch me the way you did. I wish you didn't ask, "What are you thinking?" And I wish that when I asked the same question, you didn't say, "About you, and how much I've actually come to like you." I still hear your voice and see your face in my head. Your eyes are beautiful; they always have been.
I think you're gone because you never had someone say, "If you need anything, I will drop everything." I was willing to. I meant it when I said it. And I think you're afraid, and I think that you think you're bad luck. That everyone you get close to dies or goes away or pulls back. I wouldn't have. I have never been sure about much of anything in my life, but I'm sure about that.
I was sure about you.

And eventually, I know it will stop hurting this much.
Eventually, I'll stop thinking about you every morning when I wake up and every night before I fall to sleep.
One day a long time from now, I know I'll look back and I'll feel nothing and peaceful at the same time.
I know one day this will be okay.
But for the time being, it's not okay.
Not at all.