but you've already lost

I went to the drive-in last night with Riley. We stayed for three movies. It was nice. It was the latest I've ever stayed out. I didn't get home until 4:30 in the morning, which was kind of cool. It's amazing how much the world changes in the early hours of the morning. I forgot about that.

I went to Oma's today and it was actually a good visit. I had coffee with her and told her about the weekend and going dancing, and she told me that she and Opa used to go to dances, but Opa didn't dance. Oma loved to go though. I hope the picture I have in my head of her being beautiful and dancing is right. Or close to right. It makes me smile to think of it, to know that she had youth and happiness and above all, love. It's nice to know that she's still the same woman she was when I was younger. It's just buried very deeply behind time.

"I loved what I pretended she was - what I wanted her to be. But now I see her as she really is, and I'm too old to find someone else...I'm not really in love with her any more, but I can't break the habit. It sneaks up on you - the habit. And after all emotion is gone and logic takes over, the habit is still there. For the rest of your life. So don't you start building any habit. He's not wasting a moment thinking about you. Believe me. And you have to stop thinking about him."