I'm done midterms for this month. I was so stoked to come home and just hang out with some of the greatest people and not have to study or worry or be stressed. And then I got in the car when my dad picked me up on Friday and he just said, "Grandpa's in the hospital." I don't know what to do, I told myself it was fine, but it obviously bothers me a lot more than I let on.
Friday night after dinner I went to Eric's and tried to feel better about everything. It was going well until I left and drove Graeme home. We sat in his driveway, a person that I had just met five hours before, and talked about a lot of things. And he gave me a hug and it was just instant tears. Instant.
I don't know what it was, but I felt something just radiating from him. It felt good to know I wasn't alone in whatever it is I am dealing with and that there are other good people out there, just like me. Maybe it was a type of love; the kind that I seem to radiate and scare everyone off with. It just felt comforting to know I'm not the only one. When he was about to get out of the car, I said, "Let's promise each other that we'll find nice people." And he said, "I've already found someone nice. And I didn't have to look far, either."
How nice. Really. I appreciate that conversation with a perfect stranger more than most things in this world.
Yesterday I went to Toronto with Eleanor, Marcio and Chelsea to visit Sabrina. River joined us for dinner at Fresh which is an amazing vegan restaurant. So good. It was just one of the greatest visits ever. It was so nice to be with some of the greatest people I know. We had a great time laughing and having uncomfortable car rides with six people, and visiting a sweet candy store and multiple coffee shops. And I got to feel Rya kick! Sabrina is due so soon! I'm so excited, ah! It was so nice to just sit and talk and laugh and feel okay. It was nice to have some reinforce what I am feeling and thinking.
Ugh, I wish I didn't have to be so cryptic about this but I really do have to be. I don't want this to fall apart. I want this to work so bad. I know I've said it...and this is my test... but I need this.
Daddy made me soup today. Oma is freaking out. Grandpa is still in the hospital. I need to go back to Guelph at some point either today or tomorrow. I have some of the greatest friends in the world.
And I still (still) miss you.
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