behind your eyes and your cheekbones

I don't know how all of this happened.
I don't understand why or when or how or anything.
Everything has just been so shitty lately.
I don't even know what to write.
I can't write at the moment.

My routine is so thrown off and I'm so tired from not getting any sleep the past three nights.
I went to the bar last night (a Thursday. In Guelph. What the fuck?) for the first time since I've lived in Guelph. It was a scene and a half. But the people I went with were good and they made it less awkward (as did the alcohol; speaking of which I tried my first Jagerbomb) and I stood with Jeremy against the pool table and we ripped on stupid girls who dressed like skanks and noted who had a nice bum. We left early and cabbed back to my place where Jeremy made me food and put me to bed after I made him take off my necklace and bracelets, and take the bobby pins out of my hair.
Interesting night.

There's just been so much going on. I don't know what to do or what to say and part of me is slightly content and part of me is completely destroyed. I lost a friend, I think, the other night. For the time being, anyway. I don't know if it will ever be better but it's up to him and he knows that I'm here for him no matter what.
My Oma is not doing well. My Grandpa is not doing well. Mom is not doing well because of Oma, and I'm sure Dad is not doing well because of Grandpa. My brother is too busy for me most of the time now.
I'm so worried for Sabrina, Kyle, and Rya. I hope everything is okay with her; all of my love and prayers are being sent your way.
And I still, still miss you. I still care about you. I still want you to come home. I still want you, period. But I'm giving this a chance because you told me I should, if someone should come and sweep me off my feet and make me swoon then go for it, you had said. And although you currently own a big piece of my heart, and although I'm trying hard to hang onto this, I can't help but be act the way I am acting and do the things I am doing.
You wouldn't approve, but it's happening. If you had said wait, I would have, until the ends of the earth.

So many stressful and bad things happen so quickly all at the same time.
When it rains, it pours.

Luckily, I have a few great people in my life to remind me that the clouds will part and the sun will shine again.
Brooke is coming home.
She is my sunshine.