it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?

I didn't mean to get this close. I didn't mean for it to hurt or to make it harder for you to leave. You said you were ready to leave everything else behind; your family, your gym, your school, this city. The only thing you weren't ready to leave behind was me. When you said that I almost thought I had made a mistake by starting with you. I wanted to ask if it was a mistake, if I had screwed up your chances for starting new. I could have asked, but I didn't. I hope you don't regret it because I certainly don't. You are one of the most decent human beings I have ever met. You're sweet, you make me laugh, and as it turns out, we can have actual conversations without feeling stupid. And you care. That means a lot to me because most people don't give a damn at all.
The only thing is, is that I don't know how to continue on. I don't know exactly what we are. I don't know exactly if I'm supposed to wait, or if you're supposed to wait, or if we just follow along and wait for something to happen. Do we just wait and see? I don't know. I don't know how to do this. I've never had to do this. I've never been in this position and I'm confused and at the same time everything feels okay because we're not done being friends at least, and we didn't end on a bad note (just a sad one).
I don't know. Right now I'm in my room in my Guelph house waiting to feel sleepy so I can go to bed and stop everything for a little while. This past week has been so stressful. Riley left. JC left. Brooke leaves on Tuesday. I moved myself to Guelph yesterday and when I pulled up to the house, I noticed about three other groups of students moving into houses along my street and all of them - every single one - had their parents helping. My mom told friends to come over for dinner yesterday night after I had told her of my for sure moving date, so she would have only been able to come up for a little while. So I said, fuck it, I'll do it myself. I've done everything else that has to do with my house myself, so why not this?
Strangely enough I have more closet space than I know what to do with, and my kitchen now has lots of food.
Rebecca and Alex move in tomorrow. You'd think I'd be super excited, and while part of me is, a bigger part of me is homesick already. My parents, brother, grandma and cousin came down today to see my house and go for dinner for my grandma's birthday, and them leaving just made me miss home even more. I feel strange and lonely and like I can and can't do this all at the same time.
I start class on Thursday but only have one class that day and two on Friday. I guess that's not too bad. It's making it worse that Brooke has to leave again. I really, really, really don't want her to.
Speaking of Brooke, she and Natalie and I went to Che on Friday night and got awesome. And the DJ told me I was beautiful and then said "Can we make out?" to which I very lamely replied, "Uh.. maybe...." and then turned away and went outside. Fail.
Also, I just have to say that if either of these bathrooms in this house get as dirty as they were when I cleaned them, I'm fucking moving out. I almost vommed 27 times when I was cleaning them. I swear boys went pee in the dark and missed the toilet completely. Ugh.
I guess that's it.. I miss you, I miss a lot of things. I miss home. I want my mommy.