speculation

I'm dealing with the issue of permanence.

Since the end of the last school year, and especially this year, everything I have been learning has been purely speculative. No one is sure of anything, it seems. Of course, we can assume that clay pots with a spout that look like gravy boats could actually be gravy boats, but they could also be something else. What if they peed in them? We'd be so unbelievably off. Everything in history is not solid, not 100%, and for some reason, this bothers me.
It's like when you're little, and everything is perfect, and you don't question things, and you just accept things as they come. I wish I could do that. I wish I kept that kind of innocence closer to my heart. I wish I didn't have to analyze every little tiny detail and scrutinize the most minute fragment of something that we don't really know anything about. Apparently I can't even accept the fact that I am a human being with human tendencies, because people keep asking, "What is human? What does it mean to be human? Are we really alive, really here, really this and really that?"
I don't fucking know. And neither do you. Maybe we're not supposed to think like this, but philosophers and scholars get so famous by thinking this way. If you think this way, nothing, NOTHING, is permanent. Nothing is special. Nothing matters and nothing makes sense. I say fuck it. I say believe what you feel. I say accept what you want and forget about what you don't want.
Fuck this university analytical shit, I'm done with it.